You’ve probably met one. The partner who once adored you and now won’t answer your texts.
The manager who thrives on praise but crumbles when challenged. The friend who always makes it about them.
We often label them as narcissists—and move on. But what if their behavior was less about vanity and more about vulnerability?
A groundbreaking study from Australian Catholic University analyzed data from over 10,000 people across 33 previous studies.
Also read: 101 Countries Studied — and They All Point to These Longevity Secrets
The findings shed light on what could be a major influence behind narcissistic behavior—especially the kind driven by insecurity rather than arrogance.
The Soft Core Behind the Hard Shell
Most people think of narcissism as extreme confidence or even arrogance. But researchers looked at a different side: vulnerable narcissism, where deep self-doubt is masked by a carefully crafted image of control. And the key? Childhood emotional instability.
Those who grew up in environments with rejection, emotional coldness, or inconsistency were more likely to show patterns of attachment rooted in fear. They crave connection—but also push it away.
They long to be loved—but don’t believe they’re worthy of it. And that internal tug-of-war may lead them to build a personality designed to protect, not just impress.
Also read: One Simple Practice Dramatically Eases the Pain of Dying Patients
Narcissism, in this view, becomes armor: a self-built shield against emotional exposure. The showy surface hides the scared child beneath it.
Can People Change?
There’s hope. While narcissism is often viewed as rigid, researchers have found signs that it can soften—especially when real life delivers setbacks that force self-reflection.
A 2019 study tracked people over years and found that the “first real job” often plays a pivotal role. Confronted with critique, expectations, and failure, many narcissistic traits begin to fade as people build a more realistic self-image.
Therapy can also help break down defenses, but the biggest gamechanger may be early support. Giving children consistent emotional validation and safe relationships might prevent these patterns from ever forming in the first place.
Also read: You’ve Been Fooled: Your "Healthy" Cereal Might Be Ruining Your Health
Understanding Is the First Step
The idea that narcissism can grow from emotional wounds doesn’t excuse harmful behavior—but it does shift our perspective.
Instead of simply labeling someone, we might ask what shaped them. Behind the manipulation, the defensiveness, the arrogance—there may be a person who once needed safety and never truly found it.
According to the researchers, not everyone with a rough childhood becomes narcissistic. But for some, narcissism becomes a strategy: not for attention—but for survival.
This article is based on information from Illustreret Videnskab
Also read: Taking Ozempic or Mounjaro? Your Birth Control Might Not Be Working
Also read: This Is Why You’re Not Covered in Fur Like Other Animals