A study shows that losing a loved one is one of life’s most painful experiences and causes the highest levels of stress in our body.
In our attempt to offer comfort, we sometimes end up saying things that — despite good intentions — end up causing more harm than good.
Here are according to Verywell Mind the most common phrases you should avoid when speaking to someone who is grieving.
“Everything happens for a reason”
This might sound like you’re trying to offer perspective, but to someone grieving, it can feel like you’re minimizing their pain.
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Not all losses can be explained, and not every reason brings comfort.
“It was God’s will”
Even if meant with kindness, this phrase can be upsetting — especially if the grieving person is struggling with their faith.
It’s best to avoid projecting your personal beliefs in such a vulnerable moment.
“I know exactly how you feel”
Grief is deeply personal. Even if you've experienced loss yourself, each person’s grief is different.
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Comparing your pain to theirs can feel dismissive of their unique experience.
“At least you had time to prepare”
This is often said after an expected death, but knowing in advance doesn’t make the pain any easier. It can feel like you’re telling them they shouldn’t be as upset.
“They’re in a better place”
This may align with your spiritual beliefs, but not necessarily theirs.
And even if it does, it often brings little comfort. What they likely want most is to have their loved one with them.
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“They lived a long life”
While this might be true, it doesn’t make the loss hurt any less. Age doesn’t reduce the depth of the grief.
“At least you still have [other children/family]”
No one can replace the person who was lost. This phrase can come across as dismissive and deeply hurtful.
“Be strong”
This puts pressure on someone to hold themselves together when they may need to fall apart. Grieving is not weakness, it’s human.
“You need to move on”
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Telling someone to move on can make them feel rushed to forget someone they love.
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People don’t “move on” from grief - they learn to live with it.
“Just focus on the good memories”
While good memories can eventually be a source of comfort, in early grief, they often intensify the sense of loss. This can feel like you’re telling them how they should feel.
This article is based on information from Verywell Mind.
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