When everyday disagreements turn into deep frustration, it often comes down to communication.
According to psychologist and couples therapist Trine Hjort Bønnerup, many couples experience the same emotional imbalance, and small shifts in how we talk can make all the difference.
The emotional imbalance between men and women
Trine Hjort Bønnerup often sees that men and women bring different experiences to emotional conversations.
Women are generally more accustomed to sharing and exploring feelings, while men may struggle to find the right words, not because they lack emotion, but because they lack practice.
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When silence creates distance
In many relationships, one partner seeks connection through dialogue, while the other withdraws to find calm.
For the person who needs closeness, this silence can feel like rejection or indifference.
For the one who retreats, it may be a way to avoid saying something wrong or losing control.
When emotions feel overwhelming
Men in particular may find it difficult to keep up when a conflict moves quickly from one emotional layer to another.
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They can feel pressured or inadequate, leading them to shut down instead of speaking up which only widens the gap between the partners.
The roots of emotional avoidance
This pattern often begins long before adulthood.
Many men have grown up without being encouraged to express vulnerability, which makes emotional communication in relationships a learned skill rather than an instinct.
Different needs, same frustration
Even though their reactions differ, both partners often share the same core feeling: frustration over losing contact with each other.
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Both may want reconciliation but struggle to find the words that can lead them there.
The psychologist’s observation
According to Trine Hjort Bønnerup, understanding this imbalance is the first step toward healing it.
When couples recognize that their communication styles come from different experiences, they can begin to meet each other with more patience and compassion.
Space as a strength
The psychologist also recommends that couples respect each other’s need for space.
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Taking time apart does not mean drifting away, it can give both partners room to reflect, calm down, and return with greater emotional presence.
Taking responsibility for reconnection
Both partners share the responsibility for how they find their way back to one another after a disagreement.
Reaching out, even with a few words, can make a major difference in restoring emotional safety.
Three sentences that bring you closer
Trine Hjort Bønnerup suggests three simple sentences that can help couples reconnect when emotions run high:
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- “I’m under pressure right now, but I’ll come back.”
- “I may seem frustrated, but inside I’m mostly sad.”
- “I’m sorry. Do you want to be friends again?”
Why these sentences work
Such phrases open a door to empathy and understanding.
They show vulnerability without blame and remind both partners that even in conflict, the desire to be close is still there.
This article is based on information from DR News.